Your Child is NOT a Mini You.

Being an Extrovert Mum to an Introvert Son

Yes I am writing about extrovert and introvert and yet I feel these are again just some of the boxes. Not everyone is a complete either. So there are times my introvert hubs and son go out in the world and deliver a lectures, extempore and speeches. Both of them are amazing speakers btw. And me the extrovert develop jelly knees if I have to address a hall of audience. Yeah not many people understand that I can turn into a bundle of nerves, since they do know me as a vivacious gregarious loud human.

However, there are certain traits and especially in social set ups where I see this play up and come to the fore the most. So while it is easy for me to talk to people, laugh and joke like I always knew them, my son will come up with a variety of answers ranging from hunn to ah to yes as conversation sentences (yes that hunn is a complete sentence for him…the beginning, middle and the end) with people he knows intimately too.

For well meaning humans around me when he was little, not talking or preferring to remain alone with his nose in the book was something like a dis-order and not normal. And since I hadn’t had any experience with introvertism, I would also think that maybe this is not the norm. everybody around me used to say, oh he will become ok when he grows up, don’t you worry and worry I used to much. I used to take him to many kiddie birthday parties and social gatherings, where he as an infant used to howl and kept sitting in another room in the venue or howl so much we had to leave. All my close relatives will vouch for this.

Anyways as a well meaning, unconscious and unaware mother I only took it for social shyness and the poor kid used to be subjected to peer birthday parties. Here too, he would cling to me, sit with me, not swing or slide. To say that only he was distressed is half the story, I used to be equally if not more stressed, first prepare him to go, then cajole him, then come back with tears in both his and my eyes and wonder yeh theek kab hoga.

One day we were both sitting in the park, and watching kids play and run around. He was just about 5 years only. I asked him, “arnaav why don’t you enjoy?” “don’t you like to go out there and play?” he calmly asked me another question, a simple question that just entirely shifted my perspective. He said, “ mamma why do you think I don’t enjoy. I am enjoying just observing and watching. You know I enjoy books and being at home, do you think these kids enjoy the same?” it was a huge moment for me and something that completely shook me out of wherever I was at that time and whatever I was doing to make him fit in with others. I internalized that if I was asked to keep my gob shut and my giggles contained, it would be such a punishment for me, and by that logic if I am snatching his peace of solitude and aloneness I am actually punishing him. I learnt my lesson then and never subjected him or myself to another birthday party with magic shows, jumpies, games and blah.

Just one simple step towards acceptance, that we are both completely unique and different personalities brought in a lot of peace in both our lives. My son is not a mini me. Infact he is not a mini anyone, he is who he is, a unique person with his own likes and dislikes and way of living life.

Today, he accepts my loudness and I his quietness. We still do tend to get onto each others nerves sometimes with this and when we do we try to convey it politely.

Every Day Hero: Shiivaani Mahajan

When the Wound leads you to Your Purpose

Life is uncertain. What we take for granted today, can any day turn out to be what we desire, the most. I feel, it is not what happens to us that makes our life what it is, it is what we make of what happens in our life. This is a story of a courageous woman who literally smacked adversity right in its face and not only won her battle, but also found her purpose. From having healed to become a healer, and be that agent of change for others going through their pain this is an incredible journey of my hero, Shiivaani Mahajan.  

 I met her at a retreat, a lovely vivacious girl with an infectious laugh, a chatterbox and a gorgeous person. I naturally gravitated towards her magnetism and enthusiasm for life. 

My Soul Sister

One night as were strolling around in the lawn, she shared with me her life’s story and I feel it is a story of courage, love, will power, faith and surrender. It’s a story worth its weight in gold. Read on, her story in her own words:

 “Life is a journey full of twists and turns, and one has any idea where this path will lead him/her to. We can plan with details to ensure a smooth ride, chart out a route and calculate all the pit stops on the way, but none of this guarantees a trouble free drive to the destination. Speed breakers, punctures, engine failures or empty fuel tanks are very much a part of your learning curve.”

Shiivaani began her work as a complementary therapist, pain management expert and a healer almost a decade ago. She recounts, “It was in the year 2007, I was walking down the stairs of a cinema hall and suddenly I lost my balance and held on to the railing lest I fall. I had not imagined in my wildest dream that it was just a beginning of a year long ordeal.

My body was on a revolt and kept deteriorating with symptoms like vertigo (24*7), electric sensations in my tips and toes, tingling, numbness, pins and needles all over, brain fog, memory loss, vision problems, headaches, lifelessness in my legs and shoulders and a feeling of chronic fatigue and depression. I had lost the ability to stand with balance, visiting malls was a terrifying feeling as my ears started buzzing with strange sounds in the enclosed huge spaces. My hands would tremble while taking money out of my wallet. I was limping throughout the day, was forgetting where I had kept things a few minutes ago and much much more.

What followed was a series of doctors’ visits in the best of hospitals in Mumbai without any concrete results. The orthopedic would refer to the ENT, ENT to the Neurologist and back to orthopedic but to no avail. This went on for six months and I dreaded waking up each morning as that would mean living in a difficult body. A feeling of hopelessness seeped in and I had no answer to my dis-ease. Amidst all this chaos, the only thing that kept me sane and strong was my two little children who needed me and all that I wanted was to get back on my feet for them, to feel normal for them. This indeed became my blessing in disguise. It was a sheer will of a mother that kept me going. I had no other way out.

And the path finally showed up when my intense prayers were answered during a family visit to Delhi. It was then that my mother insisted that I visit her orthopedic surgeon in Delhi, Dr. Sanjay Nijhara, who was known for his diagnostic skills and was treating people in non-invasive ways. Like all moms, my mother’s advice proved to be angelic intervention for me and a turning point in my life.

On my first visit to his clinic, he pressed a few points on my wrist and for the first time in 7 months, my eyes lit up. I could really “See”. He then put my mind to rest and ruled out brain tumor or MS or Parkinson’s in my case. My condition was diagnosed as Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome, a musculo-skeletal condition which disturbs the normal functioning of the body causing a lot of distress and discomfort in the daily functioning of life. Finally, I had a diagnosis and I knew I was not dying J.

With boundless hope and faith, I started my treatment under his supervision and would rush from Mumbai to Delhi every month for the sessions. I would feel better with his treatment but frequent travel and long stays was a big challenge to deal with.

As luck would have it, my meditation teacher asked me to visit one of her students, Freny, who was practicing “Bowen Therapy”, a  very gentle technique that did not involve any manipulation whatsoever. I had no reason to doubt and Ianded up at Freny’s place. There was an instant connect with her and I surrendered my body with complete faith and gratitude.

In the meantime, Dr. Nijhara, a believer in holistic healing methods, gave me a go-ahead for Bowen and asked me to continue the sessions in Mumbai. His recommendation and his confidence in Bowen Therapy gave boost to my confidence and eventually my visits to Delhi reduced after a few Bowen sessions. This therapeutic treatment was proving to be a miracle for my condition and my body was responding miraculously, week by week. I was feeling stable and normal again. The balance had returned and massive shifts were occurring within. It was as if one link led to the other and I was guided to my highest good. Things like walking, dancing, seeing, thinking that I had taken for granted were taken away from me and then restored magically. It was nothing less than a surreal experience.

I was so awed by Bowen’s incredible healing power that I decided to learn the technique myself in order to help people in pain. I saw them all around me, looking for solutions to their physical challenges. Little did I know that I will touch innumerable lives by bringing ease and joy in their journey. It has been close to a decade of practice now and I would not have it any other way.

There is still a long way to go and learning will never end but this profession has brought so much of abundance, love and divinity in my life along with a sense of fulfillment that is irreplaceable. So, it’s alright if plans don’t work out as desired and the journey becomes arduous for a while. Because eventually we all come out victorious with a little determination, love and a lot of prayers.

There is no end to my joy when my clients call me “ A Miracle Worker”. By the way, they don’t know that  I practice The White Witchcraft.”

At her Healing Space

the healer Shiivaani with Gaur Gopal Das, 

at an exposition 

I don’t know about the white witchcraft my friend, and what I do know is that it is a hero’s journey.

To know more about Bowen and to get in touch with Shiivaani:

Call her at: 9619116531

https://www.facebook.com/shiivaani.mahajan